The End of Kinky Tumblr – A Personal Farewell

It has been three weeks since Tumblr announced that they would be banning NSFW content on their platform from December 17th on. Until this point the platform was one of the largest – if not the largest – collection of porn in human history. But the moment the news hit the scene, not only a ludicrous discussion about freedom of speech and censorship started[i] but people back-up their data and deleted their blogs. The exodus of active users, one star reviews in the app stores and steeply dropping numbers of blogs and app downloads apparently hit Tumblr so hard that they were forced to release a spurious statement that they would not be deleting but instead hiding stuff and that people can still leave their content on the platform – though nobody could see it anymore. Naturally this did not stop people from leaving Tumblr. At this moment a number of different websites are competing for the users looking where to display and consume their porn elsewhere, but no major one has emerged yet.

Being a big opponent of Facebook’s policies, I never used any of their services, including WhatsApp and Instragram. I have been on Twitter for ages, first with a vanilla account and when I started to set up ToyTorture.com with a kinky account. Tumblr followed some time later when I realized that Twitter was not the best place to present kinky pics. 

Tumblr opened up a whole new world of kink to me. The aesthetic inspired me for pictures, the play setups gave me ideas which toys to get and the perversions sparked interests in trying out new things. It also quickly became an important social media channel for ToyTorture.com. Not only gave the large followership and reblogs my reviews a big exposure but the message and chat feature over time became the largest inbox for reader questions. Since this website is my love child, a single-person operation into which flows a lot of my time, sweat, tears and love, knowing that a lot of people read what I write and getting feedback from my readers means a lot to me. Tumblr helped with that.

Last but not least, the affiliate links for Mr S, Regulation and E-Stim Systems I posted under the posts created a little flow of store credit. It was always my plan to make ToyTorture.com an ad free website to keep it independent. Despite all the critic I get for “promoting” certain products and manufacturers through Desiderates and Christmas gift tips, etc. it is still my personal taste and my wishes as a private person, pervert and toy collector which influences the toy selection and not some corporation urging me to post stuff in order to make money. Because of that, ToyTorture.com actually costs me some money for the server and despite a little stream of review samples a lot of money to buy the toys I review. The affiliate programs gave me store credit help me to buy stuff people are keen in reading a review about even when I am not that interested in the toy that I would spend my hard earned money on it. With Tumblr dying, I am certain my affiliate income will drop and thus limit the range of toys I will be able to review.  

At the time when this blog post will be published, my Tumblr account is still active. I am astonished how many surprisingly sexual pictures are still visible to the public. But still… Tumblr feels barren these days. For years, the Tumblr app on my tablet was my go-to app when I was up WAY too early because of my insomnia. After the purge it is still a collection of hot pics but a lot is missing. It does not feel whole(some) anymore. Having “only” lost 25% of my followers and actually gaining new ones every day (probably flocking to the blogs which still have a decent amount of original pictures), it would probably still be worth to put content on there. On the other hand, the entire controversy spoiled my mood to post content there.

So I guess, I should delete my blog, taking a stand against SESTA and FOSTA and the frightening amount of sex-negativity and conservatism creeping into many societies these days by attacking Tumblr where it hurts them the most: Their ad revenue. To start the new year with a clean slate, I will be deleting ToyTorture.tumblr.com on January 1st 2019.

All the content I posted on Tumblr will probably surface somewhere else as soon as the dust has settled and a new major place-to-be for all the perverts will emerge. In the meantime, follow me on Twitter for content and the latest update where to find my smut. And if you are planning to buy something at Mr S Leather, Regulation or E-Stim System, take a detour over my website and click on one of the links in this article or the banners on the right sidebar. You comments, retweets and affiliate clicks keep ToyTorture.com alive. Thank you for your support and see you soon – where ever this will be.

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[i] By definition, a private company can not censor content or violate the freedom of speech. It is their right to decide which content is allowed on their platform. The freedom of speech only applies towards the government which must not forbid specific things to be said or published.

On Reviewing Anal and Breath Control Toys

Welcome back from the hiatus guys. Despite being short it was a greatly needed time to recover, gather new ideas and just relax. You all can look forward to some exciting new stuff coming in the next couple of month.
I also took the time to think about ToyTorture.com. In a couple of weeks this website will celebrate its fourth birthday. Four years ago I was already working hard on producing content, designing the layout and struggling with WordPress. It has been tremendous four years. If you would have told me where this website and its social media channels would be today and what doors it would open for me, I would have laughed at you, calling you an even bigger day dreamer than I am. I also would have hardly believed that this project would still be running, bringing me a lot of fun, joy, work and most of all in touch with interesting people! You, the readers of ToyTorture.com, your questions, comments and criticism motivate me to keep writing, showing that this website has indeed become a trusted and respected resource in the kink community.
In the past four years the readership and I has changed. I started this website as the resource I was always looking for when I started out in BDSM: A place to provide information on which are the best toys to buy for a certain scene. So my core readership was BDSM players. But as I got more successful perverts, kinksters and pet players of all walks of life started reading my little website and sending questions in, asking for reviews of toys for their kink.
The premise of ToyTorture.com was always that I would only review toys that – in theory – I would like myself (in the review process it could always come up that the toy is horrible). There are so many toys and manufacturers out there that this was the only somewhat reasonable heuristic how I – with limited time and money – could choose which toys to review. Looking back four years ago, I was not into anal play at all. Looking at my xTube channel… well… things have changed. So in the next couple of month I will break with the paradigm that I won’t review toys without added play value. I have selected some high quality, ass busting toys which I am looking forward to test for you. Since I can’t apply the usual criteria I use for BDSM toys it will be an interesting  experience for me to see how I  will be reviewing these toys.
Another category of toys I have been ignoring in the past four years were breath control toys. I simply consider breath play a too potentially dangerous for of play to „spark some interest for spontaneous trying out a new kink“ (something I hear often from readers who read my texts). But on the other hand people will try out breath play regardless if I write about it or not. So after much consideration I decided to at least will write some intro on breath play providing pieces of information how somewhat safely approach this extreme form of kink.
I look forward to continue bringing you fun, interesting and educational content, hearing your feedback and make ToyTorture.com your primary resource on BDSM toys.

ToyTorture.com is going on hiatus

For those who follow me on Twitter might have picked up in the last couple of weeks next to kink my master thesis was a major thing on my mind. Next to writing my thesis I worked at the company I wrote the thesis for, was looking for a job and kept ToyTorture.com running publishing some of the most successful content yet. This morning I brought the thesis to the printer and with handing it in tomorrow my work contract ends.

As much time I now should theoretically have to publish content as much have the last couple of weeks taken its toll: The quadruple workload have left me a bit exhausted so I am leaving for a vacation later this week. Also:  I had way too little quality play time with BDSM scenes so I did not have the opportunity to gather experience with new toys. For these reasons I take a little hiatus and will return probably in the middle of August with some awesome toys and  interesting projects in the pipeline.

In the meantime: I hope  to see, meet and maybe play  with some of you during Folsom Europe in Berlin. Enjoy your summer and don’t get caught when you get down and dirty outdoors 😉

My Weekend with Grindr

My First Grindr Pic

My First Grindr Pic

I know I sometimes been a late adoperter yet I want to share this little experience with you.

For those who don’t know Grindr: It is a smartphone app that lets you find gay and bisexual men in your vicinity based on your current location data. I downloaded the app several times over the course of the last few years but never really used and thus quickly deleted it again. Last weekend there was an annual pop music festival in front of my dorm that attracts a four figure crowed and I thought “Maybe some cute boys make their way out to Lüneburg. So why not give Grindr a decent try?” So I downloaded the app on Friday morning and was excited to see what the weekend would bring.

The Offer

The major gay dating and actually social media platform I am using is PlanetRomeo. It is the major gay dating website in Germany. All my friends are on there, it is our main communication platform. There profile data you can enter is very detailed (though I would like to have more detailed kinky sex options), you can write a novel as a profile text and as a plus user you can upload as many pictures as you want to. So to a certain degree I feel I can create a to a degree authentic and deep picture of me. So creating a Grindr profile was a bit difficult. You can enter a nick name that most user don’t bother doing, the stats hardly go beyond rough physical  data, there is a small headline that can easily be overlook and you can write three lines as a profile text. The major selection criterion to click on a profile is the picture. So I put a lot of thought into choosing the right one (and replacing it quite frequently). The picture should at best represent me, my interests and what I am looking for on the platform. So I chose this because it has rubber, a little bit of red (I honestly didn’t think I would find BDSM dates there yet a fisting scene is quickly negotiated) and was very popular on PlanetRomeo. Once I uploaded it, I thought about replacing it. Since it is the only picture out there potential dates see I wanted them to see my full face and especially my glasses because that is the thing that for some weird reasons put the most people off online.

My Second Grindr Picture. Please, not comments

My Second Grindr Picture. Please, not comments

Grindr doesn’t have a website where you can alter the profile (or I haven’t found it yet). So I have to transfer pictures to my tablet and upload it from there onto the app. Because I was lazy and lay in bed I chose to take another picture out of my PlanetRomeo profile. Well… You don’ t have to tell me that I need new and better soccer gear pics. So that picture was on briefly on Grindr.

Next attempt: A picture from my more “civilian” PlanetRomeo profile (yes, I have more than one) taken the Sunday after Munich Pride 2015 relaxing next to the pool of a friend. A good picture of me, I like it a lot BUT: Again, you can’t tell from the picture that the sunglasses are correctional ones, I appear way slimmer than I actually am and I don’t have a Mohawk anymore.

Last profile picture change for now: In leather but rubber, too much top appearance but up to date and a better picture of me. So I stuck with it.

My Third Grindr Picture

My Third Grindr Picture

The Range

The first impression of the users: Everybody has a sixpack. Seriously: Everybody looked like a model on there, had sexy smiles, a bit of scruff. That was intimidating since I would have to “compete” with this gorgeous men for dates. At least theoretically because the majority of them lived in Hamburg or Hannover. Almost nobody lived close by and despite my expectations there was not rush of Grindr users coming to the music festival.

It took me some time to figure out that you can filter the users displayed by different criteria also so called “Tribes” which are scenes you can associate yourself with. I choose “Leather” as a filter assuming that this would be the most likely group I find interesting guys in. That made the distance problem even worse! Apparently there are nearly no “leather” guys in Hamburg and even Berlin fell short. The next large number of leather guys was in London. Also: I now learned that I was completely overdressed in my profile picture. Almost nobody wore gear. Again: Six packs and scruffy smiles with perfect teeth everywhere. I would have at least expected some bears or leather daddys yes nothing.

My Fourth and Final Grindr Picture

My Fourth and Final Grindr Picture

The Sales Pitch

I didn’t contact anybody I saw there. They were all out of my league and I was way too intimidated and afraid to get the usual “How does a guy like you think a guy like me would be interested in someone like you?!” So I simply waited. Five people actually messaged me. One was a bot. I was genuinely surprised that from being online for a weekend that only one bot messaged me. From what I have heard about Grindr I was ready to block user by the hour. So they finally got that sorted out which is a plus.

The other four messages were on one side expected: They were subs looking for a top, too horned up to read my profile text. What did surprise me was the distance: People were writing to me from Switzerland, Scotland and the south of France. So much for a location based, vicinity oriented app. But these chats quickly died after the realized they were not getting what they were looking for.

Honestly I was a bit disappointed at the end of the weekend. My image of Grindr was largely shaped by Grindr Fails posted by friends and corresponding accounts on Twitter. But nothing. No hilarity or anecdote happened. Maybe I am not good-looking enough to attract a… colorful crowd.

The Check

So what is the conclusion after a weekend on Grindr? An unspectacular one. I get more new contacts on Recon which is not that big in Germany and the contact quality even on Tumblr is higher. Maybe people with the body of an Adonis who live in really big gay centers like Berlin or large cities in the USA actually get laid using Grindr. I might give it another shot at a big kinky event like Folsom Europe but for now I can very live without it. If you want to get in touch with me hit me up on Recon, PlanetRomeo, Twitter or Tumblr.

Preserving the Burning Fire – On Outgrowing and Passing on Toys

S&M stands for sexual magic

– Patrick Califia

Passing on toys and gear has a long tradition in the BDSM and fetish community. One of the reasons for that is the concept of energy transfer during a scene. What happens during play is more than just the exchange of mental or physical force between the top and the sub. An intense connection between them is formed that consists out of more than the sum of its parts (If you are curious about this more spiritual aspect of BDSM I recommend the works of Marc Thompson or Joeff Mains). For some people this connection is the origin of headspace, for some the sole reason they engage in BDSM and certainly an intense, overwhelming and mind-shattering experience when you experience it for the first time.

The First Restraints I have ever bought: The McHurt Ihsan Wrist, Ankle and Boots Cuff and Hand Suspension Restraints

The First Restraints I have ever bought: The McHurt Ihsan Wrist, Ankle and Boots Cuff and Hand Suspension Restraints

The concept of energy exchange also includes that some of the energy of the players stays in their gear and toys. For that reason some pieces of gear or toys are special and dear to perverts and not easily parted with. Most often floggers, boots or bar vests are considered to be special in that way. In my case three pairs of McHurt restraints are that way. They were among the first things I reviewed for this website and liked them a lot. It feels, they have been with me forever. But when I looked up the order date for writing this article I was stunned: I had only bought them in early December 2011. Not even half a decade felt like a life time. This illustrates really well what they mean to me. All the fun, experiments, surprising experiences and intense emotions are somewhat bound to them. Yet as I matured as a kinkster I outgrew them. While I still stand to my 3 ½ year old review and consider them a good pair of restraints to start out with I want more: More padding, more D-rings, more build quality, more features. So I choose the Fetters Padded Locking Wrist and Ankle Cuffs from Regulation to replace them.

This evaluation process happened with some toys over the last year. I looked at them and realized I haven’t been using them in a long time; saw no real play scenario for them anymore so I sold them to friends, to strangers, to anybody interested. These restraints were different. They not only represent for me the scenes I had in them but also my getting serious about BDSM: Committing to my longings, considerably investing money in this part of myself and somehow giving my desires a physical representation. Yet despite all these arguments I decided to pass them on. As soon as I would get the new ones the old ones would become an exhibition piece. Laying in my toy chest, reminding me of good times and fond memories. But like an instrument not being played anymore, they would be a dead accumulation of matter, slowly fading away, losing all the energy stored in them. So giving them away just by chance was no option! They are too special for me to see them disappear out of my life. Ultimately I decided to give them to a young pervert who is slowly exploring his desires, being just like me 4 ½ years ago willing to commit to his dreams and turn them into reality. So these special pieces will continue to live on in the BDSM scene until he outgrows them and hopefully then passes them on to someone special just like I did.

As important as these restraints are to me I am lucky that I am not parting completely from them: The set I ordered back then also included a pair of boot restraints, large enough to even fetter MX boots. A toy I have not seen elsewhere yet and thus I am keeping it: For memory sake, for current play, for future times when this mythical and mind-blowing bond between top and sub manifests again.

Hail thee who play

– Michael McClure

Going on hiatus

To my own surprise I have published quite regularly the last couple of weeks – and been rewarded with raising reader numbers. Thank you very much for your support and interest! You are my motivation when writing new reviews.

However, the next couple of weeks I will be going on hiatus. Tomorrow I will be flying to Chicago for about 2 ½ weeks. I have the privilege and the honor of having been invited to join one American BDSM groups on their annual run so my mind will probably be elsewhere than on reviewing toys. I will of cause always keep my eyes open for new, interesting toys. Right after the event I will fly into Berlin for Folsom Europe. Since I will arrive on Saturday around noon, I hope I can still make it to the street fair. If you see me, come say “hi”.

Due to being quite occupied there won’t be any reviews and I will not be able to answer mail and messages. So please be patient if you try to contact me. I will get back to you late September. Until then: Have a great and kinky time.

Moving up North

As some of you might have noticed I have been a bit quite on Twitter and with posting stuff on here. It happened because in mid March I got accepted at a new and for my major better university. So I had to find a new place, organize an entire move and commute for 3 weeks until I moved in into my new home on May 1st. So sadly other things were on my mind than to polish already written reviews like the one for my steel ball stretcher which I have publisAs some of you might have noticed I have been a bit quite on Twitter and with posting stuff on here. It happened because in mid March I got accepted at a new and for my major better university. So I had to find a new place, organize an entire move and commute for 3 weeks until I moved in into my new home on May 1st. So sadly other things were on my mind than to polish already written reviews like the one for my steel ball stretcher which I have published today. Because all boxes are unpacked now and my desk is set up there is nothing keeping me from getting into writing and publishing stuff again. So stay tuned for some exciting reviews ahead like for my neoprene sleep sack.hed today. Because all boxes are unpacked now and my desk is set up there is nothing keeping me from getting into writing and publishing stuff again. So stay tuned for some exciting reviews ahead like for my neoprene sleep sack.

On Trying to Order a “custom” Surf Suit from Rubber Bob

The first piece of rubber I ever got was a size M surf suit from Blackstyle. When I got it, it fitted quite ok but over the last 2 ½ year I got a bit beefier around the chest and shoulders and sadly a bit wider around the belly. I also got used to color on my latex pieces and since an all-black cat suit as a basic piece is planned to come in 2014 I decided to get myself a new surf suit.

With money being a bit tight as a student (I know I should spend less on toys and more on gear) I looked for alternatives to the great yet more expensive German manufacturers. Rubberbob.co.uk was recommended to me by a bunch of my British Twitter followers. They told me he made basic pieces in good quality for great prices. When I first visited his website I was kind of… surprised by the layout and product pictures. Apparently the website is 13 years old. But if the quality of his products is up-to-date I do not really care about the business’ public appearance. Clicking through his offering I found that surf suits are called “Andy Style” and that you can e-mail them for custom modifications. So I got in touch with him in late October asking about a surf suit with a yellow zipper, two yellow stripes and yellow piping in 0.6mm black latex. As expected due to his focus on basic pieces the colored zipper and the piping weren’t possible. Due to the upcoming Christmas season I didn’t pursue getting a new surf suit any further.

On Wednesday I had a friend over for tea, put him into my rubber surf suit and he loved the look and the feel of rubber yet didn’t want to spend as much on his first piece as I did. Meanwhile I made plans to attend a rubber U35 piss party at the beginning or March in Karlsruhe which gave me a reason to get a new surf suit. So today I got in touch again with Bob this time asking if I could get two yellow stripes on the side and 5 instead of 3 runners on the zipper. He replied that the suit is made out of 0.45mm rubber, only comes with one yellow stripe and that no additional runners can be added. Since runners are easily added in Germany and I can live with one stripe I inquired if I could get the suit made out of 0.6mm rubber for of cause a higher price. He replied that he wishes me best of luck in finding a manufacturer that would match my requirements which left my kind of puzzled: Maybe I am spoiled by the waste amount of options I get offered for example when I am at RubAddiction, Rubber Factory or Blackstyle but simply taking a thicker rubber sheet and charging more for it is in my opinion not a crazy or difficult to fulfill task. So in the end I will probably keep my Blackstyle surf suit or turn to China and see if they are as good or as bad (depending on the source) as the internet claims they are.

The Wonders of Playing with a Newbie

I spent the last weekend with friends who are part of the organizing committee of the Mr RubClub contest where Germany’s MIR contestant is chosen. It was a remarkable party due to two reasons.

First it was my first contest party. The contest itself was fun despite the under heated room. I have never been at a drag show because it didn’t interest me (until now?) but the MC who was a SPI member was hilarious so I might visit a drag show this year. The contest wasn’t as interactive and complex as the ones in the US, it is basically just a series of short films where the candidates present themselves and their relation to the community and afterwards everybody can cast their vote. However, I have rarely felt such an intense sense of connection within and with the kinky and especially the rubber community. It was an awesome experience.

Second and more important was the experience of playing with a person fairly new to BDSM. I was introduced to him on PlanetRomeo prior to the party through a mutual friend. He was cute but I wasn’t really in the mood for playing. He was feeling subbie and in Germany most of the fetish community events are more about fucking than BDSM with everything that goes along with it (p.e. difficult access to toys stored at the checkroom, strange people touching you while playing, etc.). But he and my friend convinced me to take some toys with me after all. After the contest was done, I grabbed my little toy bag, took him to the playroom, bound his hands behind his back, attached two silicone loops around his balls and dick and attached them to my ET232. What followed afterwards was an incredible experience. Not only did he respond really well (he maxed my estim box on High Frequency, something I have not managed yet which was incredible hot) but I was struck by the sense of wonder, excitement and enthusiasm he was showing. The glowing in the eyes, the subtle intensifying of his breathing turning into moaning when I turned up the intensity, teaching him how to breathe and work his way through the pain, resulting into the changing of his face expression from agony to ecstasy. It was more rewarding and satisfying than some session I have with an experienced pain pig when the inner sadist comes through wanting my subs to wiggle and scream as much as they can. After he had enough you could really see the gratefulness in his eyes and the involuntary smile of endorphins rushing through his body as soon as the box was turned off.

After we grabbed a drink he was so curious about the BDSM scene, how stuff works, what can, should and mustn’t be done. And the entire 5 hour bus drive home the next day we were texting forth and back allaying his thirst for knowledge. The situation was kind of bizarre to me: I have ever thought of myself as a more or less experienced “newbie” to the scene having only been really active for about three years and there I was helping someone else discover the great world and wonders of BDSM. From what and how he is asking I am pretty sure he will become an awesome Kinkster, a greedy pain pig and maybe even a good top.

I have to admit that I am mostly trying to play with more or less experienced kinksters because the play is mostly easier and more intense – and I believe at least some people in the community feel the same way. But all it took was about an hour of my time to spark the fire in ones heart and what I got back was emotionally so rewarding and in the long term might enrich our community with another hot, creative and perverted fucker. So please see this short piece as an encouragement for a new year’s resolution: The next time you see someone standing shyly in the corner of a leather bar or someone with now experiences who just wants to try messages you, sacrifice a bit of your time and give him a glimpse into our world. You will probably be rewarded with something way more satisfying than just a great scene.

Sexual Outcasts

Yesterday night as every Tuesday I attended a meeting of my university’s Queers and Allies group. Being guest at a Christian university I knew that some things will be different and not nearly as progressive as at my German university’s gay interest group being one of the oldest ones in Germany. So I was more than surprised when the topic of this year’s Queer Fest, a week of informing people about non-heterosexual sexuality, came on the agenda. Because this group prides itself of trying to not exclude any form of sexual orientation (the current target group is LGBTQQAAP: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Asexual, Ally, Pansexual) and tries to promote diversity and acceptance on campus I offered my BDSM 101 speech when they called for educational event suggestions. What followed afterwards first shocked and later on outraged me. I heard things like “What is BDSM?”, “BDSM is rape porn!” or “BDSM degrades women!”

I was shocked by the ignorance because in my opinion in the year 2013 a person who is exposed to the internet and other sources of media should have at least have a rough concept of what BDSM is. Of cause I can understand how someone can come to the conclusion that BDSM is mostly rape porn or degrades women because of the way most commercial porn works (over dramatization of the acts in order to generate faster and more intensive stimulation) (1). But taking a niche of the porn industry to judge about an entire field of sexual interests is like saying the US society promotes child labor because girl scouts sell cookies. Induction from an extreme manifestation taken out of context must lead to the wrong impression of the whole picture. What really got me going was that they were reluctant to enlightenment but quickly move on the agenda in order to leave this unpleasant topic behind.

Back in my dorm I thought about this incident: Discrimination always originates from fear of the unknown mostly facilitated by twisted or misinterpreted messages. From the way BDSM is portrait in the main stream media I can to a certain extend understand that vanilla people think that we are (a bit) weird. But settling with the image can’t be the right answer because constantly fighting or hiding takes up way too much energy better invested in personal or professional development or hot scenes. So the solution is to educate, to be out, to be proud. Not like we currently are as gay men because a too offensive approach will just make matters worse by evoking reactance. But the question is: How? I could think of small steps to be taken like wearing a black leather or rubber wrist band and not making up some excuse when asked what it stands for. Like coming out to close friends in a careful and empathetic manner. Like inviting friends to come and join you when you visit a BDSM exhibition or when a sex educator holds a speech in your community. We have all these great resource to promote and educate about our lifestyle but mostly it is just a closed system serving just the members in our community. But sadly with the current Christian influenced sexual moral there is a high risk of putting people further off. Ideally opening up step by step will not only slowly wear down bad stereotypes and thus improve the life for all members of the BDSM community, you might also be pleasantly surprised who is interested in some deeper “conversations”. Sadly most of the time things don’t develop as ideally as hoped.  As a small community we don’t have the resources and can’t create the lobby like the gay liberation movement did in the 60s and 70s. And despite that resignation is the wrong answer because there is a great reward waiting for us.

Like the issue of gay marriage it is a struggle of equality and freedom. Nobody will be forced to be open about his sexuality like no gay couple will be forced to marry. Quite the opposite: It is the struggle of keeping my sexuality as private and casual as I want it. If I get a new whip for Valentine ’s Day I don’t want to have to lie about it, I want the same superficial shared joy like a colleague who got new pair of cufflinks. And if I come back to work a bit exhausted after a weekend full of scenes I want the same right to be a bit off track like the guy who spent the last two days running a marathon. For me freedom is being able to do what I want with whom I want without having to fear bad consequences as long as I do not harm others. I don’t want praise or recognition outside my peer group, I want indifference. In my opinion that is not too much to ask for in a democratic society of the 21st century.

Of cause, a lot of people will now argue that this kind of fight and level of freedom doesn’t affect them. It is only a problem for the hard core player who is in agony after a weekend because his starched shirt is irritating his sore nipples and bruised back or who can’t think straight because after a week of chastity and edging his horniness is driving him crazy. Let me tell you: It is your issue. How quickly do rumors come up like “I have heard he likes so lick sneakers, isn’t that perverted?” or “I have been told he submits to his boyfriend, I always knew he didn’t have the guts for the managing position.”

So sadly sooner or later every person into BDSM will run into some kind of discrimination. Because of that it is important to start the education, liberation and finally indiffereation better sooner than later. Not only to improve the quality of life for the people who suffer from discrimination at the moment but to maybe keep yourself from experiencing them yourself in the future!

 

(1) For some weird reason a quick and superficial research on the major porn sites I know showed that there are more straight male dom than fem dom videos out there even though the ratio of doms to subs should be the same as in the gay BDSM scene thus the market for both scene should be equally large. I recall Gaddam and Ogas discussing this matter in their research but sadly my copy is in Germany; I am grateful for any input clarifying the matter.

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