Flogged by Flogger

Four weeks ago I was introduced to flogging. And honestly: I have never thought that after a really bad spanking experience last spring I could ever enjoy being hit by a top again. But, boy! What… not fun but deep spiritual headspace experience I had. Haven’t felt so deeply and intimately connected to a master in a long time and am already looking forward to enhance this experience.

Anyway you should know me well enough by now that I am like a little boy who envies the other boys’ toys. Also: I like to have good toys which I know at hand when the right master is close by. So suddenly without expecting it, I am into the market for flogger (My wallet is already weeping. Maybe I should ask Mr S in San Francisco to ban me from entering the store when getting to SF in May to prevent me from ruining myself). Being a quality maniac who also appreciates craftsmanship I spent the new gained freedom after my last midterm tonight to search the web for companies who’s website made the impression that they make good flogger. And I have to admit: I am a bit overwhelmed. Flogger.com offers not less than 16 different hides plus rubber and metal as tail materials. Add to this all the different styles handles can be woven, tail width and length and color options, for the first time in my activity in the kinky scene I am clueless what I want. Sadly all companies I have found operate on the internet only and still having limited insight in what I like and need from a flogger I don’t really feel comfortable ordering them only. And since I won’t be in town for IML (I earn the money to buy flogger while the event processes) there is very little chance to try some models. So it will be interesting to see how, what and how many first flogger I will get. Look already forward to review my first flogger for you.

P.S.: My birthday is coming up in 11 days. So if you are still looking for a gift, I would appreciate a flogger 😉

The American perspective on communication

Last week I had drinks with a fellow American Kinkster and talked about my communication problems. He told his American point of view on the issue and it is a valuable addition to my last blog entry emphasizing the cultural differences in communication.

First of all, regarding Recon there is a technical problem when it comes to the display of read messages. Apparently the Recon iPhone app marks messages as read when you acknowledge the incoming message. So when somebody is only with his iPhone a message is marked as read even though he hasn’t actively read it.

But the major difference is in the communication culture. While Germans usually only open messages when they think they have time to read and also answer messages. Apparently in America a message is read and then evaluated if it needs immediate or later answer.

Since knowing both facts communicating has become way less stressful and more enjoyable.

On Communication and Commitment Differences

Before I write about what I really wanted to blog about, I want to get something out there which is very important for me. In my series “An European Gay in Chicago” (which afterwards I would have better named “An European Kinkster in Chicago”…) I am blogging about everything which I find curious in the American scene from a European perspective. Sometimes my remarks may sound picky because due the culture shock I am experiencing I am seeing things more clearly than a tourist or an expat is seeing them after a week or a year. Sometimes my blog entries may sound presumptuous having the tone that everything is bad in the USA and that they should learn from the good Europeans how to make it good or right. I don’t intend both effects, I am actually a bit sad that they occur but there is no way from stopping them to do so. These lines are my highly subjective impressions which reflect my experiences. So some things might be unpleasant for me where most people don’t bother. Especially not Americans since they have been socialized into this culture and perceive them as normal. So for every experience, for every observation I make I am thankful because I am experiencing the rich and complex American culture and am forced to reflect my own one which is always a good thing.

But now back to the original topic. Two weeks ago I complained a bit that due to the nature of the major online dating networks in the US finding good people to play with is very difficult. Luckily since then I have come in contact with a group of very experienced and very sympathetic kinkster. I value these contacts very much and hope that someday sooner or later will become friends. However I am struggling a bit with the American attitude towards online communication. I am used to an actual online conversation which for me means the exchange of several messages in a short term of time. Especially when trying to set a BDSM date this is vital for me because likes and experiences need to be exchanged and clarified in order to make a good session both can enjoy. But in America I have made the experience that people tend to ignore messages for days or read them and reply hours or days later. I know that my conversation partner don’t mean it or want to put me off on purpose, I actually fear that they perceive my in their eyes probably overenthusiastic communication drive as pushy and clingy. Yet as much as they cannot strive from their learned communication habits I can’t really free myself from my learned expectations. So chatting with people in the US is sometimes very frustrating for me and probably also for my chat partner. Despite that I hope that I will have more good and deep session in the USA.

Another thing towards I am very ambivalent is the American friendliness in combination with the value of commitment. In Germany we have a saying: “When you spend a four week vacation together with strangers, having neighboring beach chairs for the entire time, talk every day, feel very sympathetic towards each other and promise each other that you will spend another vacation together, there is a 10% chance if they are Europeans that this will happen and a 0% chance when they are Americans.” This American character is based in the welcoming and friendly yet a bit superficial attitude. Of cause this has advantages: Coming to the US or being for the first time at Chicago Hellfire Club I felt welcomed, people were interested and talked to me. Being approached so openly will never happen in Germany! The drawback is: People try to not be unfriendly or put you off. So when you hand out Recon nicks at Grindr or in real live in order to chat more easily and figure out if there is a common basis for a date, the chance that the people will never get back to you or will ignore your messages is very high. Yet again: I might just lower my expectations in order to not be disappointed but pushing back 25 years of socialization is a hard thing to do.

So while writing this blog entry, it turned out grimmer then I wanted it to be. I don’t want to convey a wrong impression: I am really enjoying my stay in the USA and love being in contact with locals, especially local kinksters equally for talking and torturing. What I am currently experiencing is the normal culture shock everybody is going through when he is staying there for a longer period of time. So to close this sadly a bit somber blog entry, a happy quote a good friend who has been an expat in the USA once told me and which especially applies to the special experiences kinkster make: Sundays wouldn’t be special if it wasn’t for rain.

Keeping these words in mind, I wish you a good, successful and kinky week.

Nigeria Fraud Spam on PlanetRomeo

Since I have come to the USA I have been receiving fraud spam mails on PlanetRomeo at least every two weeks. I can only guess why I have not been getting such messages in the USA. Since I am mostly only using PlanetRomeo for a reason, I would like to know if people experience similar problems at ManHunt or Adam4Adam.

Anyway, since I find these messages kind of funny to read, I want to share the latest one with you. Maybe the ridiculousness brightens your day and helps you make it to the weekend.

Von:  gaylotto
Am: 08. Feb. 2013 – 11:05

On behalf of GayRomeo lotto team, We are to inform you of the announcement made on the 5th of Febuary , 2013 of online lotto Program held on 7th of April 2013 through a computer random system. Your Profile is attached to file REF: 192361411 with Serial number 116238098 won in the fourth category. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of $450,000.00 in cash credited to Ticket number 113-0705649 for the total cash prize for fifteen (15) lucky winners in this category…………………………………………………………………………….
…..
Your winning details falls within our American representative office in Central London, as indicated in your play coupon and your prize of $450,000.00 (Four hundred and fifty thousand Dollars) will be released to you from our branch office in England………………………………………………………

HOW TO CLAIM YOUR WINNINGS
………………………………….
Contact the Claim Management
Quote your ref and serial and ticket number and send it to your assigned agent:
Name – Scott David
E-mail Address – confirmationportal@cash4u.com
Please provide your full name, address, postal code, phone number and your country.

THANKS.

On Gay (Online) Dating in the USA

I have a confession to make: I am spoiled. PlanetRomeo spoiled me regarding my expectations towards gay (online) dating and hook up.

For those of you who don’t know PlanetRomeo: It is the major gay dating website in Germany or even Europe. Founded about 10 years ago it earned the reputation for being the gay “registration office” in Germany with a coverage of nearly 10% of all German gays. And it earned this success well with a detailed profiles and searches (yes, you can search be fetish and if somebody is into BDSM), free unlimited profile viewing and messaging and until recently free access to porno pics if you had enough friends.

Prior of coming to the USA, I made some research on gay dating over here. So I was prepared that I will not have it as comfortable as I had it in Germany but the experience I have made is way worse than I expected it to be.

The first thing I have done is switching my Recon profile to Chicago. This got me into contact with some people but as everywhere there are way too many subs I have to compete with so success has been fairly limited. At Recon I first observed the American attitude towards date communication: If you haven’t agreed on something specific after the 5th message they will refuse to write back. For a person who is only into rough sessions which need some coordination on what can happen and a certain level of trust which builds up during the chat, such a communication habit is depressing. Futhermore, the rather basic search function and the small limit of daily profile views when you are not a premium member make a thorough search stressful and annoying. I could upgrade but the relatively low number of potential guys and the relatively high price of a subscription – at least compared to the price of the one at PlanetRomeo – put me off.  Of cause there are some promising guys so I might get lucky but sadly they are a small minority.

Next I downloaded Grindr and Scruff on my smartphone. Since I don’t have a perfect body I can’t use a picture of my faceless abs which makes me uninteresting for 90% of the guys there. 5% of the guys show the American communication pattern (see above) and the last 5% are desperate guys into vanilla – mostly bottoms – who stalk every new guy.

Being used to more traditional gay online dating I signed up on Manhunt.com and… oh boy! The material there is comparable to the one on PlanetRomeo in Germany: A decent cross section of the gay community. However, there are just so few guys on there that you are stuck with a little number of BDSM kinksters. But this isn’t a big deal: With a limit to 10 (!) messages a day and no possibility so see you sent messages (both without the premium subscription), there is no way a decent communication can be established. And again: With no talk, there is no date – at least for me, especially since I have heard so many horrible stories from crazy and dangerous persons on gay dating sites who will lure you into your home to do all kinds of mischief to you.

And of cause there is PlanetRomeo. But with less than 900 members in the Chicago Metropolitan Area I don’t think to write any more on this website.

I know, I am only at the beginning of my US experience and I hope to soon get in contact with some pervert locals. But since I am easier to get in touch with people first online and then meet them in real life it might be a bit harder to get to know new people over here. So my adventure just got a bit more challenging and interesting. If you are interested in helping me settling in or overcoming my difficulties just hit me up.

An European Gay in Chicago

This blog entry should mark the beginning of a little series o entries where I talk about my highly subjective thoughts on my experiences as a European gay and pervert in the US.

As you might already know, I am spending my exchange semester at a Christian university in Chicago. When I was told where I would be spending my semester abroad there, I was kind of concerned due to the attitude some protestant churches in the US have. But when I took a deeper look at what values my host institution has and after getting in contact with the president of the local LGBT club, I was a bit calmed down and flew to Chicago with a good feeling.

The first two and a half weeks have passed by, I have come over the jet lag, got adjusted to the sometimes strange ways an American university works and now I am ready to get really involved with the life in the US and ready to share my thoughts on things I find remarkable from my European perspective.

SlingKing Extender Ball Stretcher

Vendor: SlingKing

Construction

The stretcher is made out of two layers of very soft yet sturdy leather so you have the soft hide on the inside and the outside. The two layers are stitched and probably also glued together.

When folded out flat this stretcher has the silhouette of a cartoon dog bone. The patches at both ends are 6,7cm by 4,3cm and feature two rows of three tight snap fasteners. On the connecting stretch of leather is a small moveable D ring mounted under a stripe of leather which is hold in place by two riveting. The stretch is approx. 4cm wide.

The stretcher has a diameter of 3cm and 4,5cm depending on if you choose to use only the outer three or the six snap fasteners. When using all six the stretcher becomes sturdier.

Playing with it

The ball stretcher closed in the wider adjustment

The ball stretcher closed in the wider adjustment

You can use this stretcher in two ways: With the snap fasteners in front or on the back. Both positions have their own thrill. When you put them up front the stretch is much more intense due to length of 6,7cm. When you put the fasteners on the back you will “only” stretch your balls 4cm but the snapper part will massage the perineum of the sub and will also push his balls a bit in front and give them support which is nice for a good beating. A nice touch is the small D ring which you can use to put weights on it or tie the stretcher onto something or do whatever your perverted fantasy inspires you to.

The ball stretcher closed in the smaller adjustment

The ball stretcher closed in the smaller adjustment

Since this is one of the few stretcher I have come across with two layers of leather it is very comfortable to wear even over longer periods of time.

The only real problem with this toy is also one of the great benefits: The very tight snap fasteners. It can be very hard to get them fastened and getting them off quickly in a case of emergency is nearly impossible.

Where to get this toy?

The big question with this great toy is: Where to get it? From the quality and way it is constructed I believe the Fetters in London has made it. But I couldn’t find it in their online shop and they haven’t answered my e-mail yet. So if you know who once made this toy, please contact me.

Update 2/14/2014: I have found this ball stretcher at SlingKing.

Conslusion: The greatest ball stretcher I have had in my hands yet
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Great quality leather A bit too tight snap fasteners SlingKing (Manufacturer) 14,95€
Flexible  

 

McHurt Screw-on Weights

Vendor: McHurt

Construction

50g weight with the snap-hook screwed on

100g weight with the snap-hook screwed on

The construction of this toy is basic and functional. The weights have a barrel shape with a diameter of approx. 2,7cm and a length depending on the weight (100g: 1,6cm; 250g: 4,7g; 500g: 9,1cm). The 1.000g weight has a diameter of 5cm and e length of 6,5cm. On top of every weight is a male screw threat with 7mm diameter and 6mm length; you find the corresponding female screw threat on the bottom. Also available are snap-hooks mounted free to move on a small barrel with a female screw threat inside to put the weights on all sorts of chains, d-rings, etc.

The weights are made out of steel with a chromium coating.

Playing with it

Generally speaking weights are very nifty toys: They can apply a steady draft without needing action from the top. Also you can incorporate them in basic yet effective mind games: The increased pain through the draft will make the bottom want to move. But when he starts to move the draft will get even stronger.

From left to right: 500g, 250g and 100g weight

From left to right: 500g, 250g and 100g weight

Through the different and thoughtful amounts of weight the draft can be dosed very precisely. Yet the construction with the small diameter can cause problems when you put together a lot of weight. I have sessions when I hit the ground due to adding more and more weights to a parachute. You could unscrew weights and exchange them for the 1.000g weights but this is not only complicated but contradicts the effect of constant added weight.

Rust on the screw threat

Rust on the screw threat

A more severe problem are the metals which are used. Chromium is a brittle material which more or less quickly comes off on the top surface and the screw threat. Because they weights are made out of normal and not stainless steel they will inevitably start to rust. At first I filed the rust away, used oil to stop it, etc. but at the moment I simply let it rust and don’t care. But if you are a fan of shine well kept toys, you should think twice before buying these weights.

Conslusion: Basic weights with some construction problems
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Inexpensive Will start to rust McHurt(Manufacturer) 100g: 9€

250g: 13,50€

500g 21€

1.000g: 32,50€

Hook: 2,50€

Easy to dose draft Weights become unhandy before a true pain pig has enough

Rubber 101

About the material

The basic material of rubber is natural rubber which is harvested in form of latex milk from rubber trees (hevea brasiliensis). When drying this milk turns into natural latex. However in this form you can’t work with the material because it is very sticks, breaks under cold and will disintegrate under heat. In order to turn the latex milk into a usable material a process called vulcanization is applied to the latex using sulfur, pressure and heat. During this process the white latex turns yellow due to the heat and the sulfur. If another color is desired pigments are added during the vulcanization.

Material properties

Generally speaking rubber is a very fragile and demanding material.

Latex milk consists of long polymer chains with free molecule endings. This “free” ends will join with the sulfur inside the material under heat and pressure but will stay free on the surface. Usually oxygen will dock on these ends causing redox which will change to color of the latex or can even destroy it (how to prevent this later on when I talk about taking care of you rubber). Also this effect is responsible of the friction when you put on a rubber piece.

Other harmful influences are ozone and UV-light, reactive metals like silver and cooper, plastificantes, oils and fats (this includes deodorant and perfume!) except silicone oil and great force.

On the plus side there is the flexibility and high thermal conductivity. But rubber mustn’t be overstretched because than it will not return to its original form.

The thrill of rubber gear

I am often asked what attracts me to rubber. There are a bunch of different factors. First there is the smell, than there is the touch of the surface, the feeling of the material tightly wrapping around your body. It is hard to put into words why rubber is something special. At best try it on at a local fetish dealer and find out for yourself.

Why is rubber gear so expensive?

Until the 1980s rubber was widely used in hospitals for various purposes like mattress covers or catheter because it was an easy to clean and quite robust material. But with the availability of cheap one-time products the demand for sheets of rubber decreased rapidly. Nowadays sheets of rubber which are suitable for skin contact and well made enough for lasting long are nearly exclusively made for the performing arts and fetish industry which leads to smaller quantities being made and thus increased price.

With its elastic properties rubber is a material which can only be processed by hand so there is a large chunk of manual labor cost in the price which can hardly be driven down with scale effects. Add to that the usual pervert’s mark up and you end with the price of rubber gear.

How rubber gear is made

There are two major ways of making rubber gear: gluing and dipping. For dipping you dip a form p.e. for gloves, simple shirts or a mask into liquid latex, get it out and let it dry. The advantage of this the speed large numbers of items can be made but it is very hard to create an even material thickness.

For any larger and more complex items like suits, multicolor shirts, etc. the sheets of rubber are cut into pieces using patterns and glued together. There are manufacturers who sew rubber together but since this will cost elasticity I would not recommend it.

Another non industrial way of making gear is using liquid latex. You apply the liquid on the body and let it dry a little bit. This can be a nice and very sensual experience especially when done together but make sure that the body area is completely hairless! Otherwise you will rip them out when pulling the rubber off.

Choosing a Style

You can have nearly everything wearable made out of rubber starting with everyday attire over special play wear like suits with codpieces and zippers on important places up to super hero costumes. Since everybody has a different kind and preference I will not recommend something here. However I heavily advise you to not order your first piece over the internet without trying it on! On the one hand some things look better on you in your fantasy than in reality and it sometimes can be quite shocking when you wear your dream piece and it looks horrible on you. On the other hand normal clothes sizes don’t transfer one to one into rubber gear sizes. Depending on the effect you want to achieve – ranging from loose casual fit to skintight – you will need to find the right size for you which again can be a pleasant surprise (when you need an S instead of you usual L) or shocking (XL pants due to your thighs instead of M).

Choosing the Right Material Thickness

This is a tricky decision. Rubber clothing comes in material thicknesses between 0,18mm and 1,6mm which leaves you with a lot of choices.  The thinner the rubber, the better it will wrap around your body and the more you will feel touch through it. Also, thinner rubber is cheaper. However: It will tear more easily when you get stuck on something like p.e. a corner of the bar counter.

Thicker rubber is sturdier; when wearing it you feel the material presence much more and when you go beyond 1mm thickness on a made to measure piece the pressure it applies to your body can be an own kind of sensation during a bondage scene. Also I have made the experience that the thicker the rubber the more intense is the smell but that might be subjective.

But sturdiness can cause problems. The thicker the material to more draft is applied on the glue seams which are more likely to give in when moving a lot or with a lot of force.

Using Rubber

Due to the material properties it can be hard to get into rubber because it will stick to your skin. To prevent this use talc powder or silicon oil on the inside. Both will create a non-stick layer on the rubber. Also silicon oil is used to give the rubber the nice shiny look many rubber fetishists find attractive.

When playing in rubber mind the material properties. Too much draft will cause rips or hurt the glue seams. You will soon get a feeling what you can or can’t do in your gear.

Taking care of your rubber gear

As written above, rubber is a material which needs a bit of care.

Storing Rubber

Rubber is best stored in a dark place on a clothes hanger made out of plastic to prevent exposition to UV light and keep it from getting wrinkles. If you have gotten wrinkles into your gear try a mild dryer program. Sometimes this will get them out. To prevent it from redoxing soak it in silicone oil about once a month. Because especially thin rubber tends to stick together apply talc powder inside and outside on your gear.

Washing Rubber

After each usage wash your rubber with warm water and some form of soap. But yet again, make sure that you don’t use something with oils or perfume in it. The most basic curd soap, non-sented detergents or hyper allergic washing gel are good. There is a special rubber washing solution called Hexi Blue available which was once made for hospitals and is now nearly only used for fetish purposes. It has a bit of silicone oil in it so it keeps you from soaking your gear in it. However Hexi Blue is quite expensive and hard to get.

What if I am a lazy boy?

There is a solution for dealing with the stickiness and partly with the aging and the washing. You can chlorinate the rubber so that the oxygen on the free ends is replaced with chlorine. This will cost you a bit of latex smell for the first months and will alter the feeling a bit since it doesn’t stick to your skin anymore but has the advantage that you can put your rubber on like a cotton shirt, it will not age as rapidly as unhandled gear and doesn’t need instant washing after sessions or stuff put on it for storage. Also you don’t have to soak it in silicone oil as often as normal rubber.

2013 – An Outlook

The near year is already 3 days old. So it is time to brew some tea, get some soda biscuits and change into rubber to reflect a little on the upcoming 12 month.

Things I vainly hoped for in 2012

The Recon Android App

For half a decade iOS has been THE mobile ecosystem for gays. However things have change and with high class Android devices flooding the market and more and more people getting fed up with the restrictions of iOS I hoped that Recon would finally release an Android App. Sadly, I was wrong. Let’s hope for 2013…

A better Communication Style

I don’t know if I have been raised in the 19th century or if I expect too much but the communication style of most gays and BDSM retailers is really bad – to put it in a civilized way. Regarding gays when you get a facepic and you don’t like the guy, at least write him politely that he is not your type. Just staying silence is bad style. And when it comes to toy manufacturers or retailers, it is even worse: Some stores don’t answer inquiries at all – regardless whether you write to them over their website, twitter or a normal e-mail – or you get one answer and if you answer to that e-mail again, there is silence. My outlook for the next year on that issue? Grim!

What Products I would like to see in 2013

A worthy successor of the ET312b

Most of you know that I haven’t done electro yet. But as a quality maniac if I get into electro play, I want to do it properly with decent box. Most long-time kinksters and toy shop owners I have talked to said, that there isn’t a good product out there at the moment. The majority of the new boxes are not powerful enough p.e. for large plugs but they wouldn’t also recommend the ET312b due to being complicate to use and having a horrible, only beta-like PC suite. So I really hope for a powerful, easy to use and multifunctional e-stim box in 2013.

Lanyards

I know, most of you will be laughing by now but let me explain. Many kinksters I know what to show they perversion in everyday life but can’t use products like a wristband due to a dress code or unpleasant questions from the family. So the easiest solution would be a lanyard slightly hanging out of a pocket showing the logo of a major toy manufacturer. But weirdly neither Mr S Leather nor Mister B nor RoB nor Fort Torff, etc. pp. carry such a simple item. This is even more astonishing when you look at which price point fashion or sport brands sell their lanyards for and for which little price you can get a thousand of these made in China. So large margin combined with little capital lockup costs, I can’t really understand why at least one large retailer offers lanyards.

Walltes

Another laugh but again, let me finish. Nearly every large toy distributor today started out as a small leather workshop catering to the demands of the local market. And still, many of these shops make their leather items themselves or even have a bespoken leather service because one of the core competence is high quality leather works. So again: I wonder why they don’t offer wallets. This is not only my everlasting struggle to bring kink in everyday life or my frustration that I can’t find a decent new wallet, but also a marketing issue. For many kinksters BDSM is also a lifestyle which doesn’t only influence their free time, party and mating habits, but also their mindset, their social values, it has created an own art aesthetic and so forth. Toy manufacturers can benefit from this development by not only creating a strong brand identity which interacts with the scene but also can make additional sales on lifestyle accessories – like wallets –kinksters have been buying from other brand.

What to expect from ToyTorture.com

DYI

I have long planed some Do it Yourself Articles but somehow there wasn’t the time and the place to realize them. And there probably will not during my stay in Chicago, so it will probably be fall until you will find blue prints on this website.

What I personally Hope for in 2013

Getting my visa in time for my departure on the 9th

An interesting, enriching and live changing semester abroad

Many critical readers for ToyTorture.com

Finishing my bachelor and starting my master

What I look forward to in 2013

Laughing with old friends

Meeting new friends

Dawn at Lake Shore

More kinkier, dirtier and perverted session

Cocktails and Cooking in Hamburg

Pain and Passion at Folsom in Berlin

Seeing my boy friend after 5 month in Chicago

What I Wish my Readers for 2013

Health, Success, Joy, Laughter, good Sessions and even better Friends, interesting Encounters and tempting Possibilities

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