Preserving the Burning Fire – On Outgrowing and Passing on Toys

S&M stands for sexual magic

– Patrick Califia

Passing on toys and gear has a long tradition in the BDSM and fetish community. One of the reasons for that is the concept of energy transfer during a scene. What happens during play is more than just the exchange of mental or physical force between the top and the sub. An intense connection between them is formed that consists out of more than the sum of its parts (If you are curious about this more spiritual aspect of BDSM I recommend the works of Marc Thompson or Joeff Mains). For some people this connection is the origin of headspace, for some the sole reason they engage in BDSM and certainly an intense, overwhelming and mind-shattering experience when you experience it for the first time.

The First Restraints I have ever bought: The McHurt Ihsan Wrist, Ankle and Boots Cuff and Hand Suspension Restraints

The First Restraints I have ever bought: The McHurt Ihsan Wrist, Ankle and Boots Cuff and Hand Suspension Restraints

The concept of energy exchange also includes that some of the energy of the players stays in their gear and toys. For that reason some pieces of gear or toys are special and dear to perverts and not easily parted with. Most often floggers, boots or bar vests are considered to be special in that way. In my case three pairs of McHurt restraints are that way. They were among the first things I reviewed for this website and liked them a lot. It feels, they have been with me forever. But when I looked up the order date for writing this article I was stunned: I had only bought them in early December 2011. Not even half a decade felt like a life time. This illustrates really well what they mean to me. All the fun, experiments, surprising experiences and intense emotions are somewhat bound to them. Yet as I matured as a kinkster I outgrew them. While I still stand to my 3 ½ year old review and consider them a good pair of restraints to start out with I want more: More padding, more D-rings, more build quality, more features. So I choose the Fetters Padded Locking Wrist and Ankle Cuffs from Regulation to replace them.

This evaluation process happened with some toys over the last year. I looked at them and realized I haven’t been using them in a long time; saw no real play scenario for them anymore so I sold them to friends, to strangers, to anybody interested. These restraints were different. They not only represent for me the scenes I had in them but also my getting serious about BDSM: Committing to my longings, considerably investing money in this part of myself and somehow giving my desires a physical representation. Yet despite all these arguments I decided to pass them on. As soon as I would get the new ones the old ones would become an exhibition piece. Laying in my toy chest, reminding me of good times and fond memories. But like an instrument not being played anymore, they would be a dead accumulation of matter, slowly fading away, losing all the energy stored in them. So giving them away just by chance was no option! They are too special for me to see them disappear out of my life. Ultimately I decided to give them to a young pervert who is slowly exploring his desires, being just like me 4 ½ years ago willing to commit to his dreams and turn them into reality. So these special pieces will continue to live on in the BDSM scene until he outgrows them and hopefully then passes them on to someone special just like I did.

As important as these restraints are to me I am lucky that I am not parting completely from them: The set I ordered back then also included a pair of boot restraints, large enough to even fetter MX boots. A toy I have not seen elsewhere yet and thus I am keeping it: For memory sake, for current play, for future times when this mythical and mind-blowing bond between top and sub manifests again.

Hail thee who play

– Michael McClure

Fetters Flat Hand Mitts

Vendor: Fetters

The Fetters Flat Hand Mitts

The Fetters Flat Hand Mitts

For a long time I have been looking for a bit more bondage orientated mitts. So I was very happy when Fetters was kind to provide me with these as a review sample.


The basis of this toy is a 24cm long mitt with a maximum diameter of 10cm thus it is large enough even for large hands (I tried up to a glove size 13). It is made out of and lined with soft leather that has an intoxicating rich smell. On the back and just over the top of the body runs a 4cm wide leather strap which holds the d-ring on top of the mitt in place. Around the opening runs another strap out of saddle leather. Onto this a roller buckle is mounted which can be locked with a locking pin. Besides closing the mitt around the wrist the strap also holds two welded d-rings in place.

Detail of the Roller Buckle with Locking Pin and the Strap running to the Top D-Ring

Detail of the Roller Buckle with Locking Pin and the Strap running to the Top D-Ring

Concluding a word on the build and material quality of this toy. I pride myself in trying to acquire only high quality toys or ones with a good value for money. So I do not really have “bad” toys in my collection and thus have pretty high standards when it comes to build and material quality. Yet when I unpacked this toy I was amazed how good it felt! Many other toys which are top notch yet this felt different, better, superior. I can’t really tell why I felt this way because from an objective point of view this toy is not better made than my many other toys from Mr S or Parus for example but it just stood out from other toys.

How to use these Mitts to make an Impro Straight Jacket

How to use these Mitts to make an Impro Straight Jacket

Playing with it

These mitts are designed to put the sub’s flat hand into them and then lock them onto his wrist. Depending onto the palm size the hand can move fairly freely inside. If you want to limit the movement let the sub form a fist and lock another wrist restraint between the fist and the locking strap of the mitts. Once fettered these mitts are great versatile bondage gear. They work just like normal high quality restraints. The d-rings can be used to tie the sub down, which is most fun in a spread eagle because with the top d-rings you can really stretch the sub’s arms. The bondage sensation is enhanced through the nature of being a mitt. He can’t grab anything so even if he wanted to he couldn’t free himself. This mindfuck can be even made more intense with locking the mitts bounding him inescapable into leather. While the d-rings are a good basis for creative and complex bondage setups, the strap the runs along the body to the top d-ring is a good anchor point for rope. A rope top friend of mine used it to run ropes through there which were tied to the thigh. In another setup he incorporated the mitts into a body harness creating an impromptu straight jacket. If you are like me and not good with ropes you can use a bondage harness, feet and upper arm restraints to also create an impromptu all access straight jacket substitute with these restraints.

Because the mitts are not padded there can be circulation problems if you tighten the strap too much. This happens even more often when you use the top d-ring for strictly restraining the sub’s arms above his head.

Detail of the Front D-Ring

Detail of the Front D-Ring

In recent years mitts in a BDSM context have been very much associated with pup play so I have to say that these mitts have quite limited puppy play capabilities. I would not recommend to use them as a paw substitute because putting the weight of your torso onto the top d-ring is quite uncomfortable. For this kind of play I recommend Fetters’ Brown Paw Puppy Mitts or their Padded Fist Mitts. A possible usage of these mitts for pup play is locking the top d-ring onto a collar so the pup has to walk on his elbows. In this case I would recommend elbow pads.

If you look for a less intense bondage experience, take a look as the Fetters Easy Mitts which only have one d-ring at the top and are closed with Velcro. If you want a more extreme experience the mitts I reviewed here check out their Full Sleeve Speedlace Bondage Mitts which can be laced up to the elbow.

Conslusion: Incredibly well build versatile bondage mitts.
Pro Cons Where to get Price
3 D-rings Fetters


Many different bondage positions possible
Incredibly well build using high quality leather


Why I haven’t reviewed products from Sinvention, Fetters or Regulation yet

In the last couple of month I have been getting quite some messages asking me why I feature only products from a limited selection of manufacturers (most of my toys comes from Mr S, Mister B, SlingKing and McHurt) and thus why I don’t review products from this manufacturer or why I have ignored that one for my desiderate section (Which has gotten a bit neglected). There are a number of reasons out there and because they partly play a role why today’s Christmas gift tip nearly came without pictures I decided to elaborate them:

  1.  Toy Selection Pattern
    Against widely spread believes I buy most of my toys myself. I am thankful to Mister B, HML and UberKink who sometimes provide me with toys to review but the majority of my toys from my own money. When it comes to getting a new toy I am fantasy driving. Most of the time I have a specific scene or sensation in mind I want to create and for which I am lacking the right “tool”. So if I have gotten a toy for a specific sensation it is unlikely I am going to by one from another manufacturer just to compare them. Also the collection reflects my personal play style and my fantasies and fears.
  2. Money
    This leads to the next issue: Money. I am still a student currently without a job so my toy budget is rather limited. Next to toy categories I am currently not covering at all – like hoods or breath play – especially when it comes to bondage and impact toys I know that there slight variations of toys I already own out there which for my intention of having just the right toy for the right sensation at hand (or just for the convenience of having a second or third restraint set) would be great to have. But with my limited budget I simply can’t afford the luxury to have a deep AND wide selection of toys. So for the moment I am going for wide in the field that interests me and neglect the rest. And even with stuff that has become interesting lately like some hoods they simply are out of my budget for the moment.
  3. Shopping Style
    Due to the two above factors my purchasing process is rather sophisticated: When I have a fantasy I start looking at websites and from what I know of material and design properties choose a relevance set of toys that might deliver the desired sensation and fit my budget. Once the relevance set is done I go out and take a look at the toys I consider and try them out; I rarely purchase toys online. This is of cause difficult with stores being based in London, Atlanta or Canada.
  4. Review Process
    I have been getting messages asking why I don’t write about toys that have been used on me in scenes. When I gather notes for a review I am not going under in the scene. I am focusing on how the toy performs, how the sensation alters when used differently, etc. As much as I enjoy the reviewing scenes they are not as emotionally intense as normal ones and usually don’t get the top what he wants from me as a sub. So I stage “review” scenes where I interview the tops and subs afterwards. Of cause I do have an opinion on a toy used on me after a scene. For example I certainly can say something about the Padded Locking restraints from Mr S (I like them a lot) but that opinion is too indifferent for a review. So even though I have experienced toys from Sinvenstion, Fetters and Regulation (these are the three manufacturer I get the most questions about reviews for) I can’t say more than “I liked this and disliked that in that specific scene.”
  5. Copyright Issues
    This isn’t an issue for reviews but for desiderates. For the desiderate section I am posting pictures from the manufacturer/ vendor on my website and I have to obtain the right to do so from the current copyright holder! In the last two years I have approached over three dozen web shops and manufacturer several times and only got the permission from a handful to use their material. Most of them didn’t answer at all even so I stopped bothering them.
    Please note that some of the manufacturers named here have given me the permission to use their material for my website.

All of these factors can of cause lead to the impression that I am favoring certain manufacturers. This is partly true and as much I love the ones I am currently featuring I would much rather present a broader spectrum of toys and manufacturers to the community. So in the meantime while I am trying to win the lottery and fill my dream dungeon with all the dream toys, if you want to see a specific toy reviewed or just want to support my side by sending me toys, here is a list of toys that I am interested in but are for various reasons not on my purchasing list:

Sinvenstion – Arm Immobilizer Splints

Fetters – Calf to Thigh Restraint

Regulation – Leather Bag Hood

Regulation – Chest Binder

Mister B – Closed Leather Face Mask

Mister B – Iron Whips Wocen Cat 8×4 Long

Mr S – Asylum Muzzle

Parus Leather – Restraints No. 2106 & No. 2211

HML – Wide Bondage Belt

ErosTek – ET302R