Going on hiatus

To my own surprise I have published quite regularly the last couple of weeks – and been rewarded with raising reader numbers. Thank you very much for your support and interest! You are my motivation when writing new reviews.

However, the next couple of weeks I will be going on hiatus. Tomorrow I will be flying to Chicago for about 2 ½ weeks. I have the privilege and the honor of having been invited to join one American BDSM groups on their annual run so my mind will probably be elsewhere than on reviewing toys. I will of cause always keep my eyes open for new, interesting toys. Right after the event I will fly into Berlin for Folsom Europe. Since I will arrive on Saturday around noon, I hope I can still make it to the street fair. If you see me, come say “hi”.

Due to being quite occupied there won’t be any reviews and I will not be able to answer mail and messages. So please be patient if you try to contact me. I will get back to you late September. Until then: Have a great and kinky time.

Moving up North

As some of you might have noticed I have been a bit quite on Twitter and with posting stuff on here. It happened because in mid March I got accepted at a new and for my major better university. So I had to find a new place, organize an entire move and commute for 3 weeks until I moved in into my new home on May 1st. So sadly other things were on my mind than to polish already written reviews like the one for my steel ball stretcher which I have publisAs some of you might have noticed I have been a bit quite on Twitter and with posting stuff on here. It happened because in mid March I got accepted at a new and for my major better university. So I had to find a new place, organize an entire move and commute for 3 weeks until I moved in into my new home on May 1st. So sadly other things were on my mind than to polish already written reviews like the one for my steel ball stretcher which I have published today. Because all boxes are unpacked now and my desk is set up there is nothing keeping me from getting into writing and publishing stuff again. So stay tuned for some exciting reviews ahead like for my neoprene sleep sack.hed today. Because all boxes are unpacked now and my desk is set up there is nothing keeping me from getting into writing and publishing stuff again. So stay tuned for some exciting reviews ahead like for my neoprene sleep sack.

On Trying to Order a “custom” Surf Suit from Rubber Bob

The first piece of rubber I ever got was a size M surf suit from Blackstyle. When I got it, it fitted quite ok but over the last 2 ½ year I got a bit beefier around the chest and shoulders and sadly a bit wider around the belly. I also got used to color on my latex pieces and since an all-black cat suit as a basic piece is planned to come in 2014 I decided to get myself a new surf suit.

With money being a bit tight as a student (I know I should spend less on toys and more on gear) I looked for alternatives to the great yet more expensive German manufacturers. Rubberbob.co.uk was recommended to me by a bunch of my British Twitter followers. They told me he made basic pieces in good quality for great prices. When I first visited his website I was kind of… surprised by the layout and product pictures. Apparently the website is 13 years old. But if the quality of his products is up-to-date I do not really care about the business’ public appearance. Clicking through his offering I found that surf suits are called “Andy Style” and that you can e-mail them for custom modifications. So I got in touch with him in late October asking about a surf suit with a yellow zipper, two yellow stripes and yellow piping in 0.6mm black latex. As expected due to his focus on basic pieces the colored zipper and the piping weren’t possible. Due to the upcoming Christmas season I didn’t pursue getting a new surf suit any further.

On Wednesday I had a friend over for tea, put him into my rubber surf suit and he loved the look and the feel of rubber yet didn’t want to spend as much on his first piece as I did. Meanwhile I made plans to attend a rubber U35 piss party at the beginning or March in Karlsruhe which gave me a reason to get a new surf suit. So today I got in touch again with Bob this time asking if I could get two yellow stripes on the side and 5 instead of 3 runners on the zipper. He replied that the suit is made out of 0.45mm rubber, only comes with one yellow stripe and that no additional runners can be added. Since runners are easily added in Germany and I can live with one stripe I inquired if I could get the suit made out of 0.6mm rubber for of cause a higher price. He replied that he wishes me best of luck in finding a manufacturer that would match my requirements which left my kind of puzzled: Maybe I am spoiled by the waste amount of options I get offered for example when I am at RubAddiction, Rubber Factory or Blackstyle but simply taking a thicker rubber sheet and charging more for it is in my opinion not a crazy or difficult to fulfill task. So in the end I will probably keep my Blackstyle surf suit or turn to China and see if they are as good or as bad (depending on the source) as the internet claims they are.

The Wonders of Playing with a Newbie

I spent the last weekend with friends who are part of the organizing committee of the Mr RubClub contest where Germany’s MIR contestant is chosen. It was a remarkable party due to two reasons.

First it was my first contest party. The contest itself was fun despite the under heated room. I have never been at a drag show because it didn’t interest me (until now?) but the MC who was a SPI member was hilarious so I might visit a drag show this year. The contest wasn’t as interactive and complex as the ones in the US, it is basically just a series of short films where the candidates present themselves and their relation to the community and afterwards everybody can cast their vote. However, I have rarely felt such an intense sense of connection within and with the kinky and especially the rubber community. It was an awesome experience.

Second and more important was the experience of playing with a person fairly new to BDSM. I was introduced to him on PlanetRomeo prior to the party through a mutual friend. He was cute but I wasn’t really in the mood for playing. He was feeling subbie and in Germany most of the fetish community events are more about fucking than BDSM with everything that goes along with it (p.e. difficult access to toys stored at the checkroom, strange people touching you while playing, etc.). But he and my friend convinced me to take some toys with me after all. After the contest was done, I grabbed my little toy bag, took him to the playroom, bound his hands behind his back, attached two silicone loops around his balls and dick and attached them to my ET232. What followed afterwards was an incredible experience. Not only did he respond really well (he maxed my estim box on High Frequency, something I have not managed yet which was incredible hot) but I was struck by the sense of wonder, excitement and enthusiasm he was showing. The glowing in the eyes, the subtle intensifying of his breathing turning into moaning when I turned up the intensity, teaching him how to breathe and work his way through the pain, resulting into the changing of his face expression from agony to ecstasy. It was more rewarding and satisfying than some session I have with an experienced pain pig when the inner sadist comes through wanting my subs to wiggle and scream as much as they can. After he had enough you could really see the gratefulness in his eyes and the involuntary smile of endorphins rushing through his body as soon as the box was turned off.

After we grabbed a drink he was so curious about the BDSM scene, how stuff works, what can, should and mustn’t be done. And the entire 5 hour bus drive home the next day we were texting forth and back allaying his thirst for knowledge. The situation was kind of bizarre to me: I have ever thought of myself as a more or less experienced “newbie” to the scene having only been really active for about three years and there I was helping someone else discover the great world and wonders of BDSM. From what and how he is asking I am pretty sure he will become an awesome Kinkster, a greedy pain pig and maybe even a good top.

I have to admit that I am mostly trying to play with more or less experienced kinksters because the play is mostly easier and more intense – and I believe at least some people in the community feel the same way. But all it took was about an hour of my time to spark the fire in ones heart and what I got back was emotionally so rewarding and in the long term might enrich our community with another hot, creative and perverted fucker. So please see this short piece as an encouragement for a new year’s resolution: The next time you see someone standing shyly in the corner of a leather bar or someone with now experiences who just wants to try messages you, sacrifice a bit of your time and give him a glimpse into our world. You will probably be rewarded with something way more satisfying than just a great scene.

Sexual Outcasts

Yesterday night as every Tuesday I attended a meeting of my university’s Queers and Allies group. Being guest at a Christian university I knew that some things will be different and not nearly as progressive as at my German university’s gay interest group being one of the oldest ones in Germany. So I was more than surprised when the topic of this year’s Queer Fest, a week of informing people about non-heterosexual sexuality, came on the agenda. Because this group prides itself of trying to not exclude any form of sexual orientation (the current target group is LGBTQQAAP: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Asexual, Ally, Pansexual) and tries to promote diversity and acceptance on campus I offered my BDSM 101 speech when they called for educational event suggestions. What followed afterwards first shocked and later on outraged me. I heard things like “What is BDSM?”, “BDSM is rape porn!” or “BDSM degrades women!”

I was shocked by the ignorance because in my opinion in the year 2013 a person who is exposed to the internet and other sources of media should have at least have a rough concept of what BDSM is. Of cause I can understand how someone can come to the conclusion that BDSM is mostly rape porn or degrades women because of the way most commercial porn works (over dramatization of the acts in order to generate faster and more intensive stimulation) (1). But taking a niche of the porn industry to judge about an entire field of sexual interests is like saying the US society promotes child labor because girl scouts sell cookies. Induction from an extreme manifestation taken out of context must lead to the wrong impression of the whole picture. What really got me going was that they were reluctant to enlightenment but quickly move on the agenda in order to leave this unpleasant topic behind.

Back in my dorm I thought about this incident: Discrimination always originates from fear of the unknown mostly facilitated by twisted or misinterpreted messages. From the way BDSM is portrait in the main stream media I can to a certain extend understand that vanilla people think that we are (a bit) weird. But settling with the image can’t be the right answer because constantly fighting or hiding takes up way too much energy better invested in personal or professional development or hot scenes. So the solution is to educate, to be out, to be proud. Not like we currently are as gay men because a too offensive approach will just make matters worse by evoking reactance. But the question is: How? I could think of small steps to be taken like wearing a black leather or rubber wrist band and not making up some excuse when asked what it stands for. Like coming out to close friends in a careful and empathetic manner. Like inviting friends to come and join you when you visit a BDSM exhibition or when a sex educator holds a speech in your community. We have all these great resource to promote and educate about our lifestyle but mostly it is just a closed system serving just the members in our community. But sadly with the current Christian influenced sexual moral there is a high risk of putting people further off. Ideally opening up step by step will not only slowly wear down bad stereotypes and thus improve the life for all members of the BDSM community, you might also be pleasantly surprised who is interested in some deeper “conversations”. Sadly most of the time things don’t develop as ideally as hoped.  As a small community we don’t have the resources and can’t create the lobby like the gay liberation movement did in the 60s and 70s. And despite that resignation is the wrong answer because there is a great reward waiting for us.

Like the issue of gay marriage it is a struggle of equality and freedom. Nobody will be forced to be open about his sexuality like no gay couple will be forced to marry. Quite the opposite: It is the struggle of keeping my sexuality as private and casual as I want it. If I get a new whip for Valentine ’s Day I don’t want to have to lie about it, I want the same superficial shared joy like a colleague who got new pair of cufflinks. And if I come back to work a bit exhausted after a weekend full of scenes I want the same right to be a bit off track like the guy who spent the last two days running a marathon. For me freedom is being able to do what I want with whom I want without having to fear bad consequences as long as I do not harm others. I don’t want praise or recognition outside my peer group, I want indifference. In my opinion that is not too much to ask for in a democratic society of the 21st century.

Of cause, a lot of people will now argue that this kind of fight and level of freedom doesn’t affect them. It is only a problem for the hard core player who is in agony after a weekend because his starched shirt is irritating his sore nipples and bruised back or who can’t think straight because after a week of chastity and edging his horniness is driving him crazy. Let me tell you: It is your issue. How quickly do rumors come up like “I have heard he likes so lick sneakers, isn’t that perverted?” or “I have been told he submits to his boyfriend, I always knew he didn’t have the guts for the managing position.”

So sadly sooner or later every person into BDSM will run into some kind of discrimination. Because of that it is important to start the education, liberation and finally indiffereation better sooner than later. Not only to improve the quality of life for the people who suffer from discrimination at the moment but to maybe keep yourself from experiencing them yourself in the future!


(1) For some weird reason a quick and superficial research on the major porn sites I know showed that there are more straight male dom than fem dom videos out there even though the ratio of doms to subs should be the same as in the gay BDSM scene thus the market for both scene should be equally large. I recall Gaddam and Ogas discussing this matter in their research but sadly my copy is in Germany; I am grateful for any input clarifying the matter.


Usually this website focuses on the functional aspect of BDSM toys: How do they perform at doing what you bought them for. And to a large extended that makes sense being the only “hard” way of judging a toy even though because pain and restriction is felt by everybody else differently the verdict is a bit spongy. Because of that I have adjusted the ways reviews are written.

Last weekend at a party of the Chicago Hellfire Club I consciously experienced  for the first time another quality of a toy: The sensual aspect. Before a flogging session the top asked me if I needed to be blindfolded which I confirmed. He told me to kneel down and put the Mr S Bishop Head Harness  (and you wonder why it is today’s Desiderate) with just the blindfold on. From the practical point of view I was a bit disappointed because my cheap basic blindfold from SlingKing performed better at blocking out all light (or perhaps the harness was not adjusted perfectly). But what followed intrigued me:  The top spend a couple of minutes adjusting the leather straps, putting the harness in place, asking me if the collar wasn’t too tight. At least for me it had a great level of intimacy; it felt the top cared for me and caressed his precious torture toy. After the harness was fitted he told me to stand up and guided me to the St. Andrews Cross holding me on my shoulders which added to the deep feeling of trust an intimacy. So even before the main party of the session had started I was already half way in headspace which felt great.

After this experience I went through my toy collection and instantly discovered several toys with a sensual value. So maybe after returning to Germany I will write an article about “sensuatables” –toys with sensual potential.

If some rich admirer of my website is still looking for a birthday present: I wouldn’t say no to such a head harness… 😉

Back to editorial content

For about two month I have kind of taken a break from running this site as I should. Of cause I have posted blog entries on my life in the US and other things but the main point of this website – reviews – has been neglected. But this is about to chance. I have spent my Spring Break writing new editorial content which hopefully should get me to Germany without having to write new one in between. So you can enjoy some reviews and desiderates and I can enjoy the second half of my exchange year. However, since most of the stuff I review I currently don’t have at hand some measurements will be missing. I will add them as soon as possible. Also, I have suspended writing articles because I don’t really have an inspiration for stuff I could do with my limited means in the US. But I have great stuff planed for the future so look forward to the second half of the year.

The American perspective on communication

Last week I had drinks with a fellow American Kinkster and talked about my communication problems. He told his American point of view on the issue and it is a valuable addition to my last blog entry emphasizing the cultural differences in communication.

First of all, regarding Recon there is a technical problem when it comes to the display of read messages. Apparently the Recon iPhone app marks messages as read when you acknowledge the incoming message. So when somebody is only with his iPhone a message is marked as read even though he hasn’t actively read it.

But the major difference is in the communication culture. While Germans usually only open messages when they think they have time to read and also answer messages. Apparently in America a message is read and then evaluated if it needs immediate or later answer.

Since knowing both facts communicating has become way less stressful and more enjoyable.

On Communication and Commitment Differences

Before I write about what I really wanted to blog about, I want to get something out there which is very important for me. In my series “An European Gay in Chicago” (which afterwards I would have better named “An European Kinkster in Chicago”…) I am blogging about everything which I find curious in the American scene from a European perspective. Sometimes my remarks may sound picky because due the culture shock I am experiencing I am seeing things more clearly than a tourist or an expat is seeing them after a week or a year. Sometimes my blog entries may sound presumptuous having the tone that everything is bad in the USA and that they should learn from the good Europeans how to make it good or right. I don’t intend both effects, I am actually a bit sad that they occur but there is no way from stopping them to do so. These lines are my highly subjective impressions which reflect my experiences. So some things might be unpleasant for me where most people don’t bother. Especially not Americans since they have been socialized into this culture and perceive them as normal. So for every experience, for every observation I make I am thankful because I am experiencing the rich and complex American culture and am forced to reflect my own one which is always a good thing.

But now back to the original topic. Two weeks ago I complained a bit that due to the nature of the major online dating networks in the US finding good people to play with is very difficult. Luckily since then I have come in contact with a group of very experienced and very sympathetic kinkster. I value these contacts very much and hope that someday sooner or later will become friends. However I am struggling a bit with the American attitude towards online communication. I am used to an actual online conversation which for me means the exchange of several messages in a short term of time. Especially when trying to set a BDSM date this is vital for me because likes and experiences need to be exchanged and clarified in order to make a good session both can enjoy. But in America I have made the experience that people tend to ignore messages for days or read them and reply hours or days later. I know that my conversation partner don’t mean it or want to put me off on purpose, I actually fear that they perceive my in their eyes probably overenthusiastic communication drive as pushy and clingy. Yet as much as they cannot strive from their learned communication habits I can’t really free myself from my learned expectations. So chatting with people in the US is sometimes very frustrating for me and probably also for my chat partner. Despite that I hope that I will have more good and deep session in the USA.

Another thing towards I am very ambivalent is the American friendliness in combination with the value of commitment. In Germany we have a saying: “When you spend a four week vacation together with strangers, having neighboring beach chairs for the entire time, talk every day, feel very sympathetic towards each other and promise each other that you will spend another vacation together, there is a 10% chance if they are Europeans that this will happen and a 0% chance when they are Americans.” This American character is based in the welcoming and friendly yet a bit superficial attitude. Of cause this has advantages: Coming to the US or being for the first time at Chicago Hellfire Club I felt welcomed, people were interested and talked to me. Being approached so openly will never happen in Germany! The drawback is: People try to not be unfriendly or put you off. So when you hand out Recon nicks at Grindr or in real live in order to chat more easily and figure out if there is a common basis for a date, the chance that the people will never get back to you or will ignore your messages is very high. Yet again: I might just lower my expectations in order to not be disappointed but pushing back 25 years of socialization is a hard thing to do.

So while writing this blog entry, it turned out grimmer then I wanted it to be. I don’t want to convey a wrong impression: I am really enjoying my stay in the USA and love being in contact with locals, especially local kinksters equally for talking and torturing. What I am currently experiencing is the normal culture shock everybody is going through when he is staying there for a longer period of time. So to close this sadly a bit somber blog entry, a happy quote a good friend who has been an expat in the USA once told me and which especially applies to the special experiences kinkster make: Sundays wouldn’t be special if it wasn’t for rain.

Keeping these words in mind, I wish you a good, successful and kinky week.

Nigeria Fraud Spam on PlanetRomeo

Since I have come to the USA I have been receiving fraud spam mails on PlanetRomeo at least every two weeks. I can only guess why I have not been getting such messages in the USA. Since I am mostly only using PlanetRomeo for a reason, I would like to know if people experience similar problems at ManHunt or Adam4Adam.

Anyway, since I find these messages kind of funny to read, I want to share the latest one with you. Maybe the ridiculousness brightens your day and helps you make it to the weekend.

Von:  gaylotto
Am: 08. Feb. 2013 – 11:05

On behalf of GayRomeo lotto team, We are to inform you of the announcement made on the 5th of Febuary , 2013 of online lotto Program held on 7th of April 2013 through a computer random system. Your Profile is attached to file REF: 192361411 with Serial number 116238098 won in the fourth category. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of $450,000.00 in cash credited to Ticket number 113-0705649 for the total cash prize for fifteen (15) lucky winners in this category…………………………………………………………………………….
Your winning details falls within our American representative office in Central London, as indicated in your play coupon and your prize of $450,000.00 (Four hundred and fifty thousand Dollars) will be released to you from our branch office in England………………………………………………………

Contact the Claim Management
Quote your ref and serial and ticket number and send it to your assigned agent:
Name – Scott David
E-mail Address – confirmationportal@cash4u.com
Please provide your full name, address, postal code, phone number and your country.