On Gay (Online) Dating in the USA

I have a confession to make: I am spoiled. PlanetRomeo spoiled me regarding my expectations towards gay (online) dating and hook up.

For those of you who don’t know PlanetRomeo: It is the major gay dating website in Germany or even Europe. Founded about 10 years ago it earned the reputation for being the gay “registration office” in Germany with a coverage of nearly 10% of all German gays. And it earned this success well with a detailed profiles and searches (yes, you can search be fetish and if somebody is into BDSM), free unlimited profile viewing and messaging and until recently free access to porno pics if you had enough friends.

Prior of coming to the USA, I made some research on gay dating over here. So I was prepared that I will not have it as comfortable as I had it in Germany but the experience I have made is way worse than I expected it to be.

The first thing I have done is switching my Recon profile to Chicago. This got me into contact with some people but as everywhere there are way too many subs I have to compete with so success has been fairly limited. At Recon I first observed the American attitude towards date communication: If you haven’t agreed on something specific after the 5th message they will refuse to write back. For a person who is only into rough sessions which need some coordination on what can happen and a certain level of trust which builds up during the chat, such a communication habit is depressing. Futhermore, the rather basic search function and the small limit of daily profile views when you are not a premium member make a thorough search stressful and annoying. I could upgrade but the relatively low number of potential guys and the relatively high price of a subscription – at least compared to the price of the one at PlanetRomeo – put me off.  Of cause there are some promising guys so I might get lucky but sadly they are a small minority.

Next I downloaded Grindr and Scruff on my smartphone. Since I don’t have a perfect body I can’t use a picture of my faceless abs which makes me uninteresting for 90% of the guys there. 5% of the guys show the American communication pattern (see above) and the last 5% are desperate guys into vanilla – mostly bottoms – who stalk every new guy.

Being used to more traditional gay online dating I signed up on Manhunt.com and… oh boy! The material there is comparable to the one on PlanetRomeo in Germany: A decent cross section of the gay community. However, there are just so few guys on there that you are stuck with a little number of BDSM kinksters. But this isn’t a big deal: With a limit to 10 (!) messages a day and no possibility so see you sent messages (both without the premium subscription), there is no way a decent communication can be established. And again: With no talk, there is no date – at least for me, especially since I have heard so many horrible stories from crazy and dangerous persons on gay dating sites who will lure you into your home to do all kinds of mischief to you.

And of cause there is PlanetRomeo. But with less than 900 members in the Chicago Metropolitan Area I don’t think to write any more on this website.

I know, I am only at the beginning of my US experience and I hope to soon get in contact with some pervert locals. But since I am easier to get in touch with people first online and then meet them in real life it might be a bit harder to get to know new people over here. So my adventure just got a bit more challenging and interesting. If you are interested in helping me settling in or overcoming my difficulties just hit me up.

An European Gay in Chicago

This blog entry should mark the beginning of a little series o entries where I talk about my highly subjective thoughts on my experiences as a European gay and pervert in the US.

As you might already know, I am spending my exchange semester at a Christian university in Chicago. When I was told where I would be spending my semester abroad there, I was kind of concerned due to the attitude some protestant churches in the US have. But when I took a deeper look at what values my host institution has and after getting in contact with the president of the local LGBT club, I was a bit calmed down and flew to Chicago with a good feeling.

The first two and a half weeks have passed by, I have come over the jet lag, got adjusted to the sometimes strange ways an American university works and now I am ready to get really involved with the life in the US and ready to share my thoughts on things I find remarkable from my European perspective.

What I want for Christmas

In the last couple of days people asked what I want for Christmas. So here is a short list what would make which part of my personality me happy.

The Toy Collector

Mister B Yellow-Black Rubber Restraints Set – the only really good rubber restraints I have seen to date

Boutique Bizzarre Leather Whip Size L with soft leather – once experienced it, loved it, got to have it!

E-Stim toys – When coming back from the USA I want to make a big feature on e-play. But I have nothing. So I need a good box, electrodes, other toys, etc.

The Economist
Mr. S Gift Card – the best way to make my stay in the USA enjoyable 😉

The Connoisseur

Lars Deike’s Painting “Unterwerfung” – Since I have seen this painting in September I am intrigued by its rough yet intimate sexual energy – despite featuring only skin heads.

A bottle of Comb 9 Gin – Can’t get this gin in Germany but reviews promises a unique taste experience.

The Luxury Bitch

Dunhill Avorities North South Bag – Finally a stylish man purse which is large enough for a small toy collection 😉

Smythson Hamilton A4 Lippiatt Folder – The only way to store and travel with stationary in style.

The Academic

Too many books to

The Average Kinkster Joe

A new rubber outfit – Put together black Chaps with yellow stripes, a codpiece jock with a yellow stripe and a zipper shirt with yellow stripes and finally I have a play outfit which looks fairly good and isn’t a surf suit.

Two new belts – 95cm of leather to bring more kinks into everyday life.

The entire Fred Perry Twin Tipped Polo Collection – I can’t simply have enough Fred Perry Polos in my Drawer

Some Crazy Nike Max90/ BW – For years my friends have been complaining that my foot wear is too dark and I am finally comfortable with a bit more colorful – that is if the all black leather Max90 isn’t too tempting 😉

December – The Crazy Month

Some of you might have already noticed: This month everything is a little bit different on ToyTorture.com. This is due to several reasons: I am working fulltime until Christmas eve meaning I mostly get hope way past 8pm and at home Christmas correspondence, chores, etc. await me. So sadly this website has a slightly lower priority than it should have. This means: The weekly update will not come as regular as you might want it to come. I wish I could promise you that things will get better after Christmas but with my semester abroad approaching and the uncertainty how things will work out at North Park University it probably will take until February or even March until everything runs smoothly again.

What a weekend

Boy, what a great weekend. I had a good friend and top from Hamburg over to play, drink, cook and show around the Ruhr region. To be honest, he was so captivating that I neglected this site a bit and tomorrow I will have to work again. So it will take some time to catch up with everything.

I started with updating my Recon and GayRomeo sub profile with pictures from the weekend which sadly I am not allowed to show here. If you are interested, check it out and leave a cruising or footprint 😉 As you can see I also managed to post the little bit belated desiderate blog post. But there is still more to come this week – especially getting some sleep and spending hours over hours at the gym in order to somehow train off the many gin tonics, gateaux and great food 😀

Some Small Changes and Final Placement for Semester Abroad

Today I got my final placement for my semester abroad: I will attend North Park University in Chicago! I have been to Chicago for a couple of day during my exchange year when I was still in school and I instantly fell in love with this great city, so I was thrilled when I got the news that I will be spending an entire semester there. Also the college seems to be good: A good faculty-student-ratio and good access to public transport. However: North Park is a Christian university. This will be an interesting experience for me and the university and as well. If any Chicago kinkster, rubber fetishists or BDSM guys are reading this blog, I would love to hear all about the Chicago scene. I already know the Chicago Rubber Men and followed them instantly at Twitter. But I think there is more to know about the Chicago scene.

Getting this info also means a lot of work for me: Booking flights, organizing stuff in advance, getting immunizations, etc. Besides that I have one of Hamburg’s best tops coming for a visit for an enhanced weekend. So I sadly currently have other things on my mind than this website. I am still working on the update on the rating but it will probably take some additional days. Despite still working on the text, I already took numbers out of the rating chart at the end of the reviews because I haven’t come up with a way to make them work yet. As soon as I figure out how to make the charts go, I will also delete them 😀

Last but not least: I sent of the first e-mail asking for the permission to feature pictures from a web shop in the new category Desiderates. I am quite excited how the response will be.


Going Postal

I know the title of this post is a cheap rip off from a great Terry Pratchett novel, but it suits perfectly. In Germany the formal federal postal service which is now DHL set up boxes where you can send and pick up parcels so you don’t have to be at home. The system isn’t perfect since you can only receive parcels shipped with DHL but anyway, it is great for people who are not at home all day.

Monday they implemented a change in their authentification system: Instead of a static PIN they now send you a mTAN with the notification SMS that a new parcel has been delivered. I awaited a new toy yesterday and was thrilled when I got the SMS that it has been put into the Packstation box. I was not so thrilled when I sat that the SMS ended right after 160 characters – right before the mTAN. So I called the DHL hotline – and waited for about 45 minuits in a waiting loop before I had to work. I sent e-mails, used twitter and the contact form, today I spend another hour of listening to their ridicules waiting loop music but I had no success. Thursday will be a holiday in Germany and I hope they send me a new mTAN by tomorrow evening, otherwise somebody will really suffer and not in a good way!